Friday 13 January 2012

Disheartened though still strong

Today I want to talk about something which happened to me on Yom Hamish (Fifth Day) of this week.  I went in to some school exams.  I had revised well and was feeling confident.  Before I set out from home in the morning, I said a prayer to Kothar and Nebo downstairs.

I waited in the corridor running alongside the school hall, before I entered and sat at the desk.  My school hall is large, with a high roof (painted white) which has a design running around the edges of it.  The design looks sort of Greek-influenced (it's like flowers with lines zig-zagging around them), and this made me feel spiritual as I thought of how important Kothar was as a deity when the Greeks ruled Canaan, when he was identified with the Greek god Hephaestus, and when the Greeks and the Canaanites shared a lot of ideas surrounding their deities.  But then I thought of Kothar as he had appeared in the even older Ugaritic literature, and had been described in the writings of Mosheh.  He is the source of all knowledge and wisdom.  I said a prayer to Kothar to help me bring my thoughts into writing and to be blessed with wisdom.  I then prayed to Nebo, the scribe god and patron of students, to help me write my exam.  With my prayers being said, I began to work.

Unfortunately, all did not go as planned.  I became confused, didn't manage my time correctly, and though I had a lot of ideas I didn't manage to put them all down.  I ran out of time and didn't write everything correctly.  I left the hall at the end feeling ashamed and feeling disheartened. 

The point of me telling this story is not to gain sympathy (as I neither want nor need any), but to tell of what I chose to do next.  I decided that it is pointless to worry about the future (as Canaanite philosophy suggests), and it is foolish since I don't have the results yet.  But would I still give offerings to the deities?

After arriving back at home after a long day, I decided I would.  I came back and took some food from the kitchen (which was being cooked for a meal) and brought it to the dining room table where I left it as a sacrifice to Kothar and Nebo.  It was my own fault, my own shortcoming, which had led to me not managing everything properly.  Kothar and Nebo had blessed me with wisdom and creative ideas, and it was my doing and not theirs.  So I continued with the sacrifice as I intended.  I will now work on improving my skill.

In my own spirituality, I still offer sacrifices to the gods if my prayers are answered, though through my own failings I do not succeed in what I orginally intended.  I won't abandon my duty in serving them, or blame them for my own faults.

1 comment:

  1. We have to work for our successes, which makes them all the sweeter when we achieve our goals. :) I'm glad you were able to see the situation as an opportunity to improve and I'm sure the gods will continue to support your academic progress.